


Not Like This

by nataliaket



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Galra!Keith, M/M, POV Alternating, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-07-25 08:59:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7526542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nataliaket/pseuds/nataliaket
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Keith finds himself changing in unwelcome ways and there isn't much he can do to hide them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've seen a lot of Galra!Keith fanart and theories floating around tumblr and got hit by inspiration to give it a go!
> 
> This is my first attempt at something multi-chapter and involving a relationship so please feel free to give constructive criticism! Chapters will probably vary a bit in length just fyi.

It was the teeth he noticed first.

Standing in the bathroom and trying to get over the taste of the Altean equivalent of toothpaste, he thought his teeth looked weird, sharper. Setting down his toothbrush, he pulled back his lips and leaned in closer to the mirror. They were definitely sharper than he remembered.

His brows furrowed and he looked down at the container of ‘toothpaste’. Maybe that stuff was doing weird things to his teeth.

Bringing it up at breakfast was maybe not the best idea though, he thought later as he stared, annoyed, at the scene playing out in front of him.

Of course it had been Lance’s stupid idea that now he had to have everyone look at his mouth and tell him his teeth were fine and normal looking. Which, inevitably led to everyone looking at everyone’s mouth, even Allura and Coran joined in.

Keith sighed and pushed his empty plate away. “Ok, ok, I get it I’m the only one with teeth issues here.”

“If they’re hurting you we can always try a pod and see if that would help.” Allura was looking at him with a helpful expression.

Keith stood. “They aren’t bothering me, I just thought it was weird.”

Allura nodded and went back to discussing something about the castle with Coran. At least it seemed like looking in everyone’s mouths time was over.

Hunk chuckled at Keith’s statement. “Dude, we’re living in a giant alien spaceship castle and fly around in magic lions and you think your teeth are a weird thing."

Keith heard everyone snort, including Shiro and scowled. "Fair point. Though if any of you start noticing weird body changes don’t coming crying to me. I’m going to the training room.” He walked towards Shiro and placed a hand on his shoulder just long enough for Shiro to give it a light squeeze before making his way out of the room.


	2. Chapter 2

He would realize later that the heightened senses were the next thing to change.

It wasn’t an immediate change like the teeth had been, it happened over the course of weeks as he found himself trying not to grimace at food that was suddenly too hot or the little noises of the castle disturbing his sleep more than they had before. But these were all things he wrote off as just acclimating to a new environment and he put it all aside. And to be fair he was distracted with the Galra and Zarkon and well, other things.

It had been a mutual decision to take the rekindling of their relationship slowly. Shiro had been through what was probably literal hell and even after all that time still woke in the night yelling or even silently sobbing on rare occasions. Keith was trying to deal with everything that had happened around them and not blowing up at Lance every time he spoke. The first night they had after he found Shiro had involved tears from both parties and relearning each other, trying to commit everything back to tactile memory. On Keith's part there was also the coming to terms with the fact that Shiro was different mentally and physically, though he wouldn't complain about the broader shoulders and thicker muscle he found himself clinging to that night.

But it had been a slow thing, coming back together. There had of course been rumors at the Garrison and no one on the team seemed completely surprised when Lance had run back to yell about finding Shiro and Keith in the training room definitely not training. Though in usual Lance fashion everyone else seemed to be aware of the relationship before Lance. They tried to be discreet regardless, small touches in public with nothing too close and Shiro treated Keith no differently than he did the other members of the team, though that had never been something Keith had had to worry about with him. Shiro had been a private person for as long as Keith had known him, able to keep his public and private lives very separate and that aspect of him hadn't changed over the year he'd been captured. One thing was still the same at least. That came in handy in keeping the knowledge of the extent of Shiro's flashback's limited to them, Allura, and Coran, Keith knew the fewer people Shiro had in his view 'fussing' over him the more comfortable he would be on a day to day basis. Keith was sure the others had some idea since there wasn't much they could hide from each other in Voltron, but if they did no one mentioned anything.

The relationship helped both of them. Keith was able to act as a steady presence in the chaos of what Shiro had taken on and what he had lived through in the last year. And Shiro kept Keith grounded and let Keith find himself more centered and even less likely to lash out against Lance, though in Keith's defense the guy just had a really punchable face sometimes. He said this to Shiro once and had smiled as Shiro laughed at his tone and planted a kiss on Keith's cheek calling him adorable as he did it. Keith had taken that personally and used the rest of the night to remind Shiro of how _frustrating_ he was capable of being when they were alone.

It was during one of the rare nights where everything was quiet and the entire castle seemed to be taking a needed rest that Keith began to accept that something was different.

They’d ended up spending most nights, like that one, in Shiro’s room, curled protectively into each other in the end. It was also unfortunately a night that had had Keith awoken by Shiro squeezing the breath out of him as the older man seized through a particularly rough flashback. This had happened enough that Keith thankfully knew what he had to do to get Shiro out of it. Slowly, he wiggled his way out of Shiro's grasp and slowly and gently as he could rolled Shiro on his back so he could breathe easier. Sitting close to Shiro's head so that he was in clear view Keith spoke slowly and with gentle firmness, placing a hand on the older man's chest.

"Shiro. _Shiro._ " He was not going to make the mistake he'd made the first time this had happened and try to shake Shiro out of his nightmare. That had ended with Keith thrown across the room and into the wall.

Grey eyes snapped open as Shiro took in his surroundings. Keith heard his tired voice through ragged breathing.

“Keith.”

Nodding, he moved to sit up closer to Shiro's body and lifted Shiro's prosthetic arm to touch his face, giving him something to focus on as Keith watched him breathe in and out on the timing they'd worked on. He smiled down at Shiro.

“I’m right here, see? Do you know where we are? Who are you?

In the low light he saw Shiro swallow thickly and heard the cracks that Shiro was unable to hide from his voice.

Shiro pulled Keith down towards his chest as he closed his eyes and answered, "I’m Takashi Shirogane. I’m the Paladin of the Black Lion.”

Keith smiled and nodded as Shiro answered him. “Good. Remember to breathe and keep going.”

Shiro nodded quickly as he kept his eyes closed to focus on his breathing. “We’re in my room in the Castle of Lions. Your room is across the hall. Pidge’s room is next to mine. Lance’s room is next to yours and Hunk’s is next to Lance’s. ” Slow exhale. Eyes opened again to look up at Keith in thanks.

“Good. Really good. You want some water?” Keith ran a hair through Shiro’s hair as he asked, perfectly content to let Shiro come back to him all the way. In that moment of calm he noticed that Shiro’s hair felt thicker to him for some reason, like he could feel every strand his hand touched.

“Water would be great.”

Keith chuckled as Shiro croaked his answer and he gently took Shiro’s hand off of his face as he slowly stood up. “I’ll be right back, ok?”

He waited to see Shiro close his eyes and nod before he made his way into the bathroom and grabbed the cup off of the sink and filled it.

He made his way back to see that Shiro had moved himself up to lean against the wall. Keith gave him the cup before crawling onto the bed to lean against Shiro.

“Sorry if the light bothered you.”

Shiro paused mid-sip. “What light?”

It was then that Keith realized that he’d never turned any lights on in the room and yet he could see Shiro’s face as clear as day.

Shaking his head he leaned in closer. “Sorry thought I’d turned on the light, but I guess my eyes adjusted faster than I thought.”

“Well, you have always been better than me. Takashi Shirogane, expert pilot and toe stubber.”

Keith could see Shiro’s smirk and snorted loudly for effect. “Well at least night vision wasn’t on any exams.” Keith was just glad to get on any topic that would have Shiro distracted for a bit. He knew that Shiro would never give him a straight answer about what he'd dreamt until the morning, it was like he needed the few hours in between to get his head in order to even process what had chosen to haunt him on a particular night. So Keith was content to just lay here and let themselves drift back to sleep slowly.

He would worry about whatever was going on with his own body later, right now he just wanted to be there however Shiro needed him. He leaned up and pulled Shiro’s head down to kiss his temple softly. “You ready to try and sleep again?”

Shiro turned at the kiss and pulled Keith to face him and return the favor. “I think so,” he breathed into Keith and pulled the younger man down so Keith’s head was resting on his chest as Shiro stretched out.

Keith sighed happily at the change in position and turned his head to inhale the smell of Shiro, which was in his opinion the best scent. He ignored how it seemed stronger to him than it usually did, he was tired, this was all because he was tired. He’d think about it in the morning and talk to Shiro maybe. But by the morning he'd put it out as his head again and focused instead on waking Shiro up gently.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the major delay in updating! Life got a bit busy and then I fell into Critical Role...
> 
> I can't express how much I appreciate the comments and kudos I've received, all the positive feedback helps so much with motivation. I hope to update more frequently in the next few weeks!

The journey through the wormhole and the subsequent weeks of isolation forced Keith to admit that something was happening to him.

_You fight like a Galra._

The statement had been bravado to him at the time, but now. Now he was trying to fight what seemed like a truth he’d never thought possible.

The yellow irises were a trick of the light. Of every light everywhere. Must be like alien pink eye or something, who knew what kind of crazy things were crawling around on this dumb planet that would fuck with his system.

The itching skin doesn't bother him much at first, the air on this planet is humid and thick and makes his entire body itch. But then the purple spots start showing up. Large irregular patches of purple skin that freak him out and send him frantically searching Red for some kind of reflective surface to see how far they're spread. And as time goes on they start getting larger, every morning he wakes up looking like he's developed some kind of alien vitiligo. And then the patches start sprouting _fur_. Coarse, thick purple fur that grows back no matter how many times he cuts it off with his bayard, the only sharp thing he has laying around that seems to be able to cut it. He sees this happening, but he views it from a detached perspective. The mind can be a powerful tool in denial and deny it Keith does every morning. As he rolls out of the cramped corner he's spent the weeks sleeping in, that is the morning he looks into his reflection and sees that the purple has finally spread its way up his neck and is reaching his face.

Alien yellow eyes stare back at him, pupil-less and piercing. The short purple fur has started to inch up over his jawline and covers part of his left cheek. He yells in anger and throws the helmet he'd been staring at against the wall. Screaming in frustration he slams his fist into the wall of his lion over and over. This isn't happening, he won't admit to himself that this is happening. Because to admit to any of this would be to admit that he wasn’t human. That he was alien and strange. That he was Galra. It was the only explanation for the face he saw staring back at him every day. He pushed those thoughts away as he reached up and felt the invading fur that now reached his hairline on one side, as his hand made its way into his hair he felt a chunk come free in his hand. Shaking, his back hitting the wall, he slid to the ground and sobbed.

And so when the day came that he was awoken by Coran yelling for him over Red’s comm he had to hold himself back from running. There was no way he was going to be able to hide this from everyone for long. He gripped the controls as Red flew back to the Castle, feeling the short stubbed claws that were taking the place of his fingernails bite into the palms of his gloves.


	4. Chapter 4

Shiro had been the first one they’d found.

Allura said it was fitting, him being the head and all.

Shiro had smiled, but had gone right back to worrying about everyone else, especially Keith. He’d been strange in the days leading up to the whole ordeal.

Shiro had walked in on him leaning over the sink looking at his teeth and smelling his clothes more often than was normal for him.

Sighing, he goes back to his vigil on the bridge. Allura and Coran had tried to get him to sleep, but it never came when he tried. The only things that waited for him there were nightmares and death. He only found his way back to his room when physically escorted there by Allura and told to get some sleep and she had "better not see you back up there for at least several hours." He laid there and waited for sleep to come but his brain raced with thoughts of the Galra and inevitably Keith.

And so he waits and falls asleep at a console when his body can physically take no more.

He sleeps easier when they start to find the others. The fear that he had lost another crew to the Galra abates. He might have joined everyone else in trying not to laugh out loud at Lance's protestations at not being found first were his dreams still not wracked with nightmares. 

"I can't believe that you guys didn't try to find me first!" Lance's voice cracks over the connection as they watch the Blue Lion make its way back to the castle. Shiro wasn't sure if Allura could roll her eyes back any farther into her head.

Pidge and Hunk spend several days wrapped up in blankets after they're pulled off a planet that was a glorified ice rock.

Lance being Lance again, Hunk making edible food again, and Pidge with her logic were a comfort. But Keith still eludes them.

He thinks it's pretty in character that Keith would be the last one they found. It was his lion they’d found last the first time too.

He was trying to decide if he could hold out another hour or so before someone would yell at him to go eat something when the system chirped that it had found the Red Lion.

Coran took it upon himself to yell into the com at Keith, whose reply of “Ok, ok I can hear you!” made Shiro release a weight he hadn’t realized he’d been carrying all this time. He watches with a nervous knot in his stomach as the Red Lion make its way home.

Shiro wasn’t sure what he expected when he ran to meet Keith. Hugs would have been very good, kissing even better, but when the doors open it’s not the image he expects and he stops in his tracks, letting the others crowd Keith instead.

 _What happened?_ He wonders as he looks at Keith. Because this isn’t like him. He's kept his helmet on and his eyes downcast, not looking anyone in the eye.

Everyone else seems to notice as well and stops a few feet from Keith, all slightly wary. Shiro stays back, not sure how to approach Keith.

It's Pidge who takes the first step forward and places a gentle hand on Keith’s arm. “You ok?” Her tone is questioning, but Shiro could hear the undertone of caring and smiled. Leave it to Pidge to make the first step.

Keith seems to shake himself awake but keeps his eyes averted. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just want to get some rest.”

Shiro notics that Keith was avoiding looking at anyone directly. He steps back with everyone else as Keith shoulders his way out.

“What the hell happened to him?” Lance’s voice breaks through Shiro’s stupor and he looks back at his team, concern etched on all of their faces.

Shiro smiles and turns to face them. “I’m sure he’ll tell us when he’s ready. He was out there alone the longest so I think he just needs some time to himself to come down and feel safe again.”

Nods of agreement all around meet his words and he appreciates how far they’d come as a team.

“I’ll check on him in the morning, but for now I think we could all use some rest.” Shiro feels a hand on his shoulder as he finishes talking and turns to find Allura there.

“I think you need sleep as well Shiro, you’re no good to Keith if you’re just as exhausted as he is, alright?”

Shiro nods and smiles at Allura. “I’m just glad he’s home.”

“As am I.”


	5. Chapter 5

Somehow Keith makes it back to his room, looking over his shoulder the whole time to see if anyone is following him. Hurriedly, he starts pulling off all of his armor and the undersuit.

“Plesse don’t have spread, please,” he mutters as he circles himself looking. He lets out a relieved sigh as he sees no more changes.

Sighing heavily, he pulls clean clothes on, too tired to try and do anything more than relieve himself in the bathroom, avoiding the mirror over the sink, and crawl into bed.

He pulls the covers over his head and finds himself numb to the fact that it doesn't affect his vision at all. He stops himself from questioning why no one said nothing about his eyes or his refusal to take his helmet off. The body-covering undersuit had been the only thing hiding the creeping purple that had made its way near the front of his face, one of the last parts of his body not yet covered in purple. 

“Why me?” He had asked himself the question countless times in the last few weeks as he had watched his body become more and more alien.

He clenches his hands, his now purple hands and slams one into the mattress as his eyes start to water. He wasn’t someone who ever cried. He took what he got and dealt with it, but this? This was even more than he could handle. He was becoming the enemy right under their noses. He was turning into something they’d all despised and there was no way to turn it back.

And he was scared. He was scared of how everyone would react, how they would treat him. Keith had always been a realist and that was one thing that wasn’t changing about him. He knew he couldn’t hide forever, knew that things were changing too fast to get more than a few days of leeway.

When the next morning came he knew he wouldn’t even have that.

He spent the entire night trying not to yell and wake everyone in the castle as his whole body ached, his head pounding until he finally passed out from the strain. Maybe that was why when he woke up, wearily sat himself up, and felt his ears twitch that he knew something had happened.

With slowly rising horror he lets a hand creep up to an ear and let out a cry of frustration as he felt the different, furred, ear shape that now protruded from his head and, yes, his other hand told him the other ear was the same.

Scrambling out of his bed he makes a beeline for the mirror in the bathroom. Yellow eyes in a purple face stare back at him reflecting the expression of horror that must be written all over his face.

Keith smashes it.


	6. Chapter 6

Shiro wakes in a better mood than he’s been in since they’d been separated in the wormhole. They’d found everyone, they were all together, they were whole.

So it's with hope that Shiro crosses the hall and knocks on Keith’s door. “Keith, you awake?”

“GO AWAY!” 

Shiro hesitates at the shout from behind the door, he hasn’t heard that level of anger and pain in Keith’s voice in years. “Keith? What’s wrong?”

“IT’S NOTHING LEAVE ME ALONE SHIRO.”

Oh hell no.

“I’m coming in Keith.” Shiro punches in the code to force the door open and carefully steps inside, making sure the door is closed and locked behind him. No one else needed to be a party to this if something was wrong with Keith. But Shiro needed to be sure he was ok.

“Shiro just stay the fuck away from me.” The anger in Keith’s voice is still palpable but Shiro can also hear an undercurrent of fear as he steps into the room. The bed lays in an unmade mess, which isn't unusual, but Keith isn't in it. He slowly walks towards the closed bathroom door, making sure each of his steps is clearly heard.

Shiro knocks loudly on the door and says, "Keith?" with no response from the other side. Panicked worry rising he opens the door.

Poking his head through the open door, he hits the light looking for some sign of Keith in the room. He sees the cowered purple shape in the corner and the bright yellow eyes and his mind blanks.

"Shiro! SHIRO!" He comes back, his right forearm, _the false arm_ , pressed against the neck of the _Galra_ that had found its way onto the ship.

"Who the hell are you, how the hell did you get onto this ship. And come up with something quick before I permanently close your windpipe." 

The Galra creature jerks against his arm grasping for breath. "Shiro...Shiro it's Keith please..."

Instinctively, Shiro pushes harder against the creature's throat, growling out, "Bullshit. Incredible what you're stooping to now." The creature makes a gargled noise as its pupil-less eyes start to roll back into its skull. Shiro drops his arm and lets it fall to ground before picking it up by the collar of the t-shirt it's wearing and slams it against the wall, causing it to release a strangled wheeze. "Talk."

He watched as it struggled to breathe and weakly struggle against his grip. "Shiro, please please listen to me. I'm Keith." It closes its eyes as its expression becomes even more pained, its voice cracking when it speaks next. "I don't know what happened but you have to believe that I'm who I say I am. You have to see that it's me. Please, I need someone to tell me I'm still myself."

Slowly, Shiro lowers Keith to the ground and pulls his hands back before sinking to thr ground in front of him. He gently raises his hands to gingerly place them on Keith's face. He feels Keith reach up and gently remove one of his hands, interlacing his fingers. "I'm scared Shiro."


End file.
